his and her

john and i have a little more than four months until we hit the one year mark
which means we can no longer call ourselves newlyweds. 
the term may sound sweet, innocent and naive but in reality, 
it means constant learning, navigating unknown territory and thinking before you speak.
 you guessed it. today, we are discussing marriage. m a r r i a g e . 
let me preface this with saying the following: everyones opinions are different and the following words are my own. you don't have to agree and that's fine with me. but i'd love to know your opinion as well. 
these are some of the lessons i've learned in the almost-eight months as mr & mrs.
also, john and i are very happily married (right john, right?) ;) 
but it's not to say the first year of marriage is full of unicorns, money and jelly beans.

nothing is about me anymore. 
john may disagree on this, but if he only knew how selfish i really am and 
how much i really do sacrifice, he'd agree. 

go to bed mad. and sometimes, it's okay if one of you is on the couch. 
the whole "don't go to bed mad" thing is ridiculous. if we didn't go to bed mad, we would either go days with no sleep (which isn't healthy for anyone) or we'd be making our own snapped episode. neither of those two things are pretty, so go to bed mad. the problem will still be there in the morning (i promise) and you won't have the same huge black bags under your eyes.

i've said it before and i'll say it again... working on a relationship is different than forcing a relationship. 

don't keep score. protect your marriage. speak kindly. trust them. 

about two years ago, john and i were entering hour three of the type of fight that makes or breaks relationships. i was entering hour two of continuous talking without allowing him to say a single word and all the sudden, he started laughing. laughing. laughing! he said, "i am sorry that i'm laughing but this is the most eloquent i've ever heard you speak."
it was right then i realized the importance of laughter in a relationship. and even though i was so mad, it made me step back and keep my eye on the prize, which is my smokin' hot mister.

it's okay if you don't have the same butterflies you had when you were celebrating your three month dating anniversary. butterflies fade, but i'll tell ya one thing - there ain't nothin in this world i wouldn't do for that guy. 

make a husband pact with your friends. i did. 
I promise to listen to you complain about your husband even in the most dire terms, without it affecting my good opinion of him. I will agree with your harshest criticism, accept your gloomiest predictions. I will nod and furrow my brow and sigh when you describe him as a hideous ogre. Then when your fight is over and love shines again like a beautiful sunbeam in your life, I promise to forget everything you said and regard him as the most charming of princes once more. The husband pact is very useful because you want to be able to vent to your friend without having her actually start hating your husband. Because you don't really mean all those things you say. And she, the swearer of the pact, knows this.

pray together. and if prayer isn't your thing, find some type of quiet time together to talk to each other and discuss the positives of your relationship. 

make future plans. and look forward to them. weekend plans, 40 year anniversary vacations, dinner dates, or dream of how you will spend your first borns 18th birthday.

learn your love languages and learn his too. just because he doesn't show you he loves you in the exact way you want him to doesn't mean it doesn't love you the best he knows how. 

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. 
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
john and i keep God as the third piece of a braid in our lives.
marriage takes three; you, your spouse, and God.

finances. they're not pretty. but its easier to battle through the mess if you sit down, discuss them, and work together to pay off debts, save, spend and work.

have fun. its your life too and you want to be with someone that makes your life a better place, right? guess what, he does too. 

i love you, johnny. 

thoughts? anything to add? xo


Diana Mieczan said...

What a beautifully written post and you two are so adorable:) Congrats on everything. Kisses

According to Jax said...

Adorable!!! I'm definitely one that HATES to go to bed mad. I don't care if its 5am...we aren't going to bed until the issue is laid to rest! Haha. (Geez, good thing CV and I rarely ever fight!)

Laura {happily ever} Parker said...

I couldn't agree more (with most things!) We too have been married 8months and the first year of marriage has been challenging and rewarding. We've had our fair share of serious discussions but as long as were growing together than that is the end goal. Grow together not apart and continually work on making your marriage stronger. Great advice!

Jenny said...

I love this! My husband and I got married just a month or so after you guys so our experiences are similar. I have to agree with everything you said! Sometimes, going to bed angry helps us A LOT because we can think things through a bit more and understand what the other is saying. And of course, putting God first will always make your marriage stronger!

Mrs. Burfict said...

I love this, so true!

Only thing I'd add (which was my motto in our second year of marriage) is to pick your battles.


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