8.20.2013

wife vs golf

Does your husband talk to the golf pro more than you? Does your husband tell you about every.single.shot in the 36 holes he played over the weekend? Do you find yourself using the word “bunker” instead of “sand” and knowing the difference between an 8 iron and a 9 iron?

 If you answered yes to any of these, welcome to the club, my friend.
Our first summer as country club members has already taught me plenty of lifelong lessons, especially on marriage.

There are usually two issues that are constant in the wife vs. golf battle.
 The time commitment and the monetary factor.

 Is it really necessary to pay 100 bucks for five hours of swinging a stick?
If you consider the links to be the “other woman” in the marriage or if your man can be found hitting balls on the range anytime from 6am to 9pm, here’s some of my advice to make these rough waters seem more manageable:

1.       Dust off your own set of sticks, shop for the cutest golf outfit (it does exist) and join him on the back nine. If your man is obsessed with the sport, he’ll be just as obsessed with you attempting to play too. He’s bound to find nothing hotter than his two favorite things together – his wife and his clubs. Throw in a beer and you’ll have him eating out of your hand. Drive the cart, drink some wine. No rules.

2.      If you have as much interest in bathing in dog poo as you do in attempting the sport, try something else to distract you from letting your blood boil while he plays. Put a positive spin on the spouse-free afternoon. Enjoy some alone time, lunch with the girls, manicure, cut his golf shirts into new rags. Just kidding on the last one.

3.      Compromise. If he plays four times a week, make an agreement that the other days are family days. On Tuesdays, John plays in a mens social night so I meet him at the club for a late dinner and wine. It’s a win win.

4.      Unless you live in a year round paradise, remind yourself it won’t last forever. Winter will hit and you’ll be begging for him to switch out the couch for a putting greens.

If it’s the monetary value that’s bugging you, here are my thoughts.

1.       Golf is expensive. That means your hub has expensive and great taste for nothing but the best. Meaning: you’re the best. This excuse won’t cut it? Okays, here’s more.

2.      If he’s acting like you’re billionaires, remind him he’s ballin’ on a budget. Ask him to be mindful and respectful to the fact it’s your moolah too. After all, would he be thrilled if you spent $80 on an afternoon with nothing to show for it expect beer breath, body odor, and a slight hangover?

3.      Two can play this game, within reason, please. Buy yourself that new DVF dress you’ve been eyeing. New shoes? Don’t mind if I do.

4.      Put him on a budget. Maybe if he knows he can’t buy a dozen new balls until next weekend, he won’t hit them into the creek on hole 7 which even means he’ll be happier once he gets home.

5.      The secret: Stay Positive. Support him, even when you don’t want to.

Please, share your thoughts on the everlasting battle with the fairway affair.

And here’s my little golfer, who just so happened to win his flight of the club championship over the weekend. Way to go, toots!


All photos are my own.

4 comments:

Jessa said...

I adore this, and it's all SO familiar.

I love the just drive the cart, keep his score, and get drunk. Then he drives home! It works perfect! You get a tan and a DD!

But it's been a while since my golfers been able to get out. He's been working 65 hour work weeks, so instead I have to just hear about it constantly. BUT LIKE CONSTANTLY, because he's not actually making it out to the course. So all that time he would be spending out there, he's spending talking to me about what's been going on in the world of golf.

Plus, we live in Naples. So there isn't a single course for less than about $150 (unless it's during the summer, when it becomes about $80 instead). Ridiculous.

But I agree with all of this! I've been trying to get him to take me out and teach me to play. I'm working on it!

Jessa said...

I adore this, and it's all SO familiar.

I love the just drive the cart, keep his score, and get drunk. Then he drives home! It works perfect! You get a tan and a DD!

But it's been a while since my golfers been able to get out. He's been working 65 hour work weeks, so instead I have to just hear about it constantly. BUT LIKE CONSTANTLY, because he's not actually making it out to the course. So all that time he would be spending out there, he's spending talking to me about what's been going on in the world of golf.

Plus, we live in Naples. So there isn't a single course for less than about $150 (unless it's during the summer, when it becomes about $80 instead). Ridiculous.

But I agree with all of this! I've been trying to get him to take me out and teach me to play. I'm working on it!

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Ashley said...

seriously....how do boys get off on this sport?!?! it's soo boring...bathing in dog poo is the most accurate description ever!

next time BE hits the links, you should hit the airport and come visit me so we can go shopping....it will probably net out at the same cost as his golf trip :)

missed you my little blonde muffin head...you've been looking gorgeous in all your IG pics! ;)

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